Should parents spank their children?

[Houseman]

I wandered into the parenting section of reddit, and got frustrated again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/casualChildAbuse/comments/9bvy0x/meta_is_it_just_me_or_does_this_sub_have_a_lot_of/

I've heard this here and there for years, but the new "common wisdom" is that parents should not be spanking their children, and should instead just use words and reason with them, or otherwise use non-physical punishments.

But the frustrating part is HOW people go about pushing this idea.

For starters, they never refer to anything as "spanking", instead they use loaded words with different meanings like "beating", "hitting", "abusing". This is disingenuous for reasons that should be obvious. It's possible to spank a child with a cool head and a measured hand, in other words, not in anger. Let's not pretend that a full-grown man or woman is throwing punches at a kid.

Furthermore, due to the wording they have already decided upon, anyone who defends spanking gets called an "child abuser"

Secondly, very few people want to argue this topic with actual facts, everyone just asserts that this is just how the world works now, and if you disagree, we'll just call you a horrible person. No facts, no studies, no evidence, just labeling.

As for me, I'm all for whatever reasonable methods a parent decides to take to raise their children. If a parent wants to just reason with a child, go for it. If a parent wants to sit him in the corner, it's none of my business. As long as you're not leaving marks, do whatever you need to for your children. You know best.

I've never understood the non-hyperbolic arguments as to why one shouldn't spank their children. Actually, I've never even SEEN an argument that doesn't involve calling spanking something it's not. I would imagine that each child responds better to a certain type of discipline, so to say "oh it just doesn't work", how could you even begin to know that?

Anyway, that's my rant. Spanking as discipline, Yea or Nay?

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

Nay.
For spanking to have any effect at all, it must be of such magnitude that it leaves marks, wherein calling it hitting and punching is justified. One could actually say that spanking is a soft word meant to belittle the force used.

That said though, I would have preferred a spanking to my mothers gas-lighting and verbal abuse.
Now those are deep bleeding wounds that doesn't show.

 

[Samtemdo8]

If you guys are familiar with him, even Stefan Molyneux says he is against spanking/physically disciplining children and prefers a non-aggressive principle.

 

[Arnox]

The thing is, spanking should not be the sole method of punishment and it should only be used as a last resort and never in anger. And even further, other methods of discipline should be used when they come into adolescence. When you look at studies that look at the effects of spanking, they're often skewed heavily towards the negative side because they're not factoring in other necessary things. For example, how do we know that a child who is spanked often was spanked that often BECAUSE they were acting incredibly belligerent?

Another thing to factor in is, sometimes, although this is rare, a kid will have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And if that's the case, then spanking will not do any good and will, in fact, exacerbate problems.

 

[Signa]

I was spanked a lot as a kid because I was a horrible little shit, and I'm pro spanking. Everything has to come in moderation, but no one knows how to talk about what amount is moderate. For a shit like me, as long as I knew I was doing wrong, and spankings were the consequence, then getting exactly what I expected to be thr punishment was far more important than any notions of """abuse"""

All that said, there's a lot of people out there with kids that can't be consistent or restrained when dealing with a shitty kid. Teaching it as a valid parenting tool sounds like a messy mistake.

 

[Tony]

I dunno man spanking seems pretty rapey to me. Like I would think it's sus to touch a kid's ass for any reason, and there's enough freaks out there with spanking fetishes. Also what if you went too hard and a finger went in. Not cool man

 

[Arnox]

I dunno man spanking seems pretty rapey to me. Like I would think it's sus to touch a kid's ass for any reason, and there's enough freaks out there with spanking fetishes. Also what if you went too hard and a finger went in. Not cool man

Use jumper cables.

 

[Signa]

I dunno man spanking seems pretty rapey to me. Like I would think it's sus to touch a kid's ass for any reason, and there's enough freaks out there with spanking fetishes. Also what if you went too hard and a finger went in. Not cool man

That's just your adult mind recontexualizing the punishment. I remember being a kid and there wasn't a trace of kinkyness with the threat of spanking. It was like the same as being threatened with jail time or a large fine I couldn't afford

 

[Taesahnim]

I wandered into the parenting section of reddit, and got frustrated again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/casualChildAbuse/comments/9bvy0x/meta_is_it_just_me_or_does_this_sub_have_a_lot_of/

I've heard this here and there for years, but the new "common wisdom" is that parents should not be spanking their children, and should instead just use words and reason with them, or otherwise use non-physical punishments.

...

Anyway, that's my rant. Spanking as discipline, Yea or Nay?

Spanking is a very viable means of discipline. It should be the last resort and it should be framed as being the direct result of the child's actions.

 

[Tony]

Maybe it's just how I was raised or I'm old fashioned but I think if you're gonna put your hands on a kid you might as well just give them a proper beating, or a slap for girls. My dad hit me and it made me a better man, I think.

 

[Kaleion]

Maybe it's just how I was raised or I'm old fashioned but I think if you're gonna put your hands on a kid you might as well just give them a proper beating, or a slap for girls. My dad hit me and it made me a better man, I think.

My father hit me and it made me angry and mentally unbalanced, in the end I turned out all right but that was mostly due to the repercussions of backing out of murdering someone and going through it over and over in my head as feelings of guilt and regret slowly started to form and that caused me to rethink my whole outlook on life, and I wouldn't have been so angry if my father hadn't hit me and forced me to repress my own feelings.

In any case while I think getting hurt is vital for learning and I don't think spanking is necessarily bad, a proper beating is most certainly a bad idea, especially if the kid is standoffish as I was and retorts with things like you hit like a girl and such, but that was my own stupidity and lack of self-preservation instincts (I literally have none, I have passed out due to forgetting to eat on multiple ocassions).

Then again contex as to why you are being punished is also important, I wasn't allowed to cry because my father thought I was girly and didn't want me to be emotionas as he feared that ight turn me gay, so that is probably one of the reasons I was mentally disturbed at the time.

 

[Signa]

Maybe it's just how I was raised or I'm old fashioned but I think if you're gonna put your hands on a kid you might as well just give them a proper beating, or a slap for girls. My dad hit me and it made me a better man, I think.

My father hit me and it made me angry and mentally unbalanced, in the end I turned out all right but that was mostly due to the repercussions of backing out of murdering someone and going through it over and over in my head as feelings of guilt and regret slowly started to form and that caused me to rethink my whole outlook on life, and I wouldn't have been so angry if my father hadn't hit me and forced me to repress my own feelings.

In any case while I think getting hurt is vital for learning and I don't think spanking is necessarily bad, a proper beating is most certainly a bad idea, especially if the kid is standoffish as I was and retorts with things like you hit like a girl and such, but that was my own stupidity and lack of self-preservation instincts (I literally have none, I have passed out due to forgetting to eat on multiple ocassions).

Then again contex as to why you are being punished is also important, I wasn't allowed to cry because my father thought I was girly and didn't want me to be emotionas as he feared that ight turn me gay, so that is probably one of the reasons I was mentally disturbed at the time.

Sounds like your dad was more of a homophobe than a parent. Manning up is important because there's more to being a man than not crying, but looking at the surface level shit you're talking about helps no one.

 

[filbs111]

I got spanked if I did something like, say, crossing the road without looking. Sometimes kids simply wont remember not to do important things like that if you just tell them, even if they have no intention to misbehave. With hindsight, I'm a lot happier with having had a sore bum (which has long since recovered), than getting hit by a car!

 

[Monoochrom]

Hmmm. I don't know.

I've worked with Kids and depending on age, they simply don't have the mebtal capacity to understand WHY they shouldn't do something, so talking to them on certain things accomplishes as much as pissing in the wind.

Then again, what is spanking? I figure if you aren't hurting the Kid so much as you are kinda shocking them, it'll be fine. But thats a very fine line.

And if you teach a Kid that violence can be a solution once communication breaks down, who's to say they won't become uncontrollable once they inevitibly gain the physical presence to simply turn that shit around? If my Girl and I had a son, I don't see her being able to physically dominate him beyond age 13.

So, I conclude that it may be viable when they are too young to be reasoned with, essentially Toddlers, beyond that, if you aren't a shitty parent, chances are you'll have plenty to take from them should they challenge your rules. Though I also disagree with the kind of Shitheaded moron that would say, post a Video of them brwaking their Kids stuff on Facebook...that's like inviting the School Bully over to partake in the punishment.