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Way back in the day, I actually made a topic about this on The Escapist forums. Back when they were good... But anyway. I think after over 5 years, and with the original topic probably long forgotten and buried (I think I have it saved somewhere but I'm too lazy to pull it up), it would make some sense to refresh the subject and talk about it again on Sanctuary to anyone who cares to find out. If you don't though, feel free to close out of this thread. This is just going to be me talking about some irrelevant personal shit for some paragraphs.
The TL;DR of it all is Revy has some symbolic significance to the site itself, to me on a psychological level, and to my life. Some of the really deep stuff though I'm not gonna talk about here. Sorry, guys. Too public.
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At first glance, it's pretty easy to get dismissive of such a signature. Anime profile pics and signatures are a dime a dozen on the internet, often used by folk of lesser repute (although in fairness, I don't think I actually see a lot of them anymore). You're very probably not gonna find someone like a professor slap a picture of Revy on their YouTube or forum profile. It just isn't done. So, any eyebrow raising at my signature is very understandable. But my skinny ass chose Revy to be there because there is quite literally no one or nothing else better to fill that slot, both in a Sanctuary admin sense, and in a personal sense.
1. In a Sanctuary admin sense, I have often labelled this site as the edge of the civilized internet. Freedom of speech. Independence. Momma's apple pie. Etc. We've always been kinda edgy with a slant towards classical American values. And so, in the show, Revy is a (very) independent mercenary living on a populated island in a forgotten area of the South Pacific. The ass end of the world. It's a wild place to live, but she's incredibly competent and has long since adapted to that environment, and she loves the raw freedom only such a place like that can offer. She overwhelms and conquers all and looks real fucking stylish and sexy doing it. So the real question, in terms of Sanctuary, isn't why is she in my signature, it's why she isn't made the damn site mascot already. (Probably because you guys would riot and it would violate Rei Hiroe's IP rights, but I digress.)
2. In a personal life sense, there's tons of surface elements here that just align with me. She loves her guns. I love my guns. She has trouble getting up in the morning. So do I. She has her little addictions. So do I. She has trouble maintaining relationships, so do I. She hates hypocrisy. So do I. I will say her general history is not mine really. I was incredibly lucky enough to have a good family life all around in a good neighborhood. Still though, not all the shit you go through has to come through family.
3. In a personal psychological sense... Oh man, there's so much damn shit I could talk about here, but this is ALREADY getting long and it passed self-indulgent a little while ago. (But you're apparently still reading it seems, so whatever then. Full steam ahead.) Well, for starters, anyone who's read my posts on this site for long or has talked to me over Discord has known that I am... An angry boy. Yep. Real shocker to hear that for some of you I'm sure. Talk to me about one of the many subjects that set me off and you'll find out. I have all this fucking anger inside me.
I can understand many things. I'm an understanding person. But there are so many other times where my patience goes out the fucking window. I'm mad. But most of all... I'm depressed. Depressed and broken inside somewhat (for reasons I will not get into). Don't worry, I'm not here for the pity party. And besides, mental disorders are in fashion these days. We collect them like trading cards now. "OCD, ADHD, and Schizophrenia... Very nice! Although I'm eyeing a rare diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder myself."
Behind her seductiveness and raw power and unbridled rage, Revy is... Just a scared, sad, desperate person inside. Constantly longing for things she feels deep within that she'll never be able to have. She doesn't even know how to process some of her own emotions correctly because she's just that broken down from everything she's had to go through. Oh sure, she lives her life with such a wild abandon as to be almost inspiring, and she fears damn near nothing at all, instead only getting a visceral glee from dangerous situations. But as I said in an earlier thread, it's all done to feed this endlessly ravenous metaphorical black hole inside her. So desperate to escape her inner demons that she no longer cares anymore.
Her scared, sad desperation is mine. The constant longing for things she feels she won't ever have is mine. Even her inability to process certain emotions has a parallel to me as I feel numb inside a lot. It's hard for me to empathize with others much of the time, and it seems to get just a little bit harder to empathize every year. I feel there's a haze between me and others and between me and the things I enjoy, or sometimes, used to enjoy. For several reasons, many many things don't truly scare me inside. Don't get me wrong, some things do definitely make me anxious, but very VERY few things really SCARE me deep inside, to the point where I could literally count on my right hand everything that does.
This isn't normal. This isn't fun. This isn't life. Just my anger alone could someday throw me into prison after a fit of rage with me choking someone out. That or I get straight murdered myself and get my corpse thrown in a nameless ditch somewhere. Either or. Pick one.
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So, why is Revy in my signature? Well it certainly isn't because, "shes soooo cool and stuff guise," although that is a little bit of it, admittedly. lol It's because she's the only one to my knowledge that has all of the above. She fits the site itself pretty well, and she has so many traits and features and viewpoints that are shared by me. So hopefully, that fully answers anyone's question about why there's some random anime gurl in my signature.
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