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Arnox

If Game Launch Apologies Were Honest [Arnox]

Original video creator(s): Arnox - script writer, video maker

Creator's description: What we would actually hear if game development companies stopped lying out of their asses.

Game source(s): Eve of Destruction - REDUX VIETNAM

Transcript:
Hello, my walking money bags. We’ve received reports that you are not having the experience you wanted with our game. But not to worry. We’re not listening to any of your feedback. Oh sure, we’re fully committed to fixing the game. Later. Maybe. In a month or six when nobody cares anymore. And we could instantly reverse the insane store prices for skins that we pulled from the base game and are selling back to you at launch, but we’re going to wait at least a week or four to do that because we want to cash in on the launch whales as much as possible.

We also noticed and wanted to thank you guys for pointing out bugs and issues that we actually already knew about a long time ago, but didn’t give a fuck about and decided to launch with anyway because we know you sheep are just going to automatically buy our game and wait happily for the mandatory 50 gigabyte patch just a few days after launch, which is now needed to even get the game to a playable state. We want to notify you all that stability is a legacy feature that we currently have no plans to implement at this time. Yeah, it makes the physical disc you bought almost useless, but you guys all have phones, don’t you?

Now, some of you have also asked us why we’re launching exclusively on the Epic Games Store platform that nobody likes. Well, unlike you unwashed masses, Tim Sweetie talks to us in a language we understand. Cash money. So you guys can stop whining and deal with the fragmentary and annoying Epic Games Store. We know it will fill you with a sense of pride and accomplishment as you do your best to navigate around Tim Skeenie’s Fortnite daycare platform just to buy and play a game you want.

We want to reiterate again that we are fully committed to this game making us a lot of money and want you to know that we’re going to make even more money for our shareholders with our next launch of Game 2: Electric Boogaloo. I mean, honestly now. You’re gonna watch our fancy shiny CGI trailers and say to yourselves, “Nononono please! This time, it’s gonna be different!” But until our next payday, we want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your passion for our mediocre-at-best game and hope that you’ll defend us valiantly on Twitter.

Sincerely,

Satan’s Asshole Inc.

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