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"Tale of the Necromancer" - dark fantasy/horror story with a little bit of philosophy
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<p>[QUOTE="Arnox, post: 15020, member: 1"]</p><p>Finally was able to read it! Here's all the issues I was able to find.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Wraiths should probably be introduced a little sooner. The transition feels abrupt.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If the family had been enduring the disease already with help from the potter, wouldn't it make sense that their bodies would develop an immunity to the disease by this point?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Plagues don't suddenly end. They slowly recede. Perhaps you intended it to be receding already just before this point in the story, but if so, you should specify this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Typo in here. Should be mesmerized.</p><p></p><p>-</p><p></p><p>But yeah, that was a really good story. Just needs a tad bit of polish. Also, I was curious as to what the Gods have to say about all this happening. (Assuming they even exist at all.) It would be really cool if we got even a glimpse of the other side of the story. An alternative path and way of viewing things that the potter had chosen not to take.</p><p></p><p>Hm. Would you mind if I attached the full story in a txt file to this post for preservation purposes?</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="Arnox, post: 15020, member: 1"] Finally was able to read it! Here's all the issues I was able to find. Wraiths should probably be introduced a little sooner. The transition feels abrupt. If the family had been enduring the disease already with help from the potter, wouldn't it make sense that their bodies would develop an immunity to the disease by this point? Plagues don't suddenly end. They slowly recede. Perhaps you intended it to be receding already just before this point in the story, but if so, you should specify this. Typo in here. Should be mesmerized. - But yeah, that was a really good story. Just needs a tad bit of polish. Also, I was curious as to what the Gods have to say about all this happening. (Assuming they even exist at all.) It would be really cool if we got even a glimpse of the other side of the story. An alternative path and way of viewing things that the potter had chosen not to take. Hm. Would you mind if I attached the full story in a txt file to this post for preservation purposes? [/QUOTE]
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"Tale of the Necromancer" - dark fantasy/horror story with a little bit of philosophy
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