Theory: We're Massively Overthinking Online Dating

[Arnox]

Can we fix the utterly shitty dating apps we have now at all if we actually tried? Thinking about this for a minute, I went into a bunch of factors involving dating, but as I did this, I realized something. I was massively overthinking this. I think the best way to fix a lot of the mess, though not all of it, is to bring it back to the bare basics and reduce the algorithm down to nothing. You will get people suggested to you at complete random while, of course, filtering out those who are too far away from you.

When you make an account, you would put in your name, your pictures, and your general location (what city you are in). You wouldn't have to verify your identity via ID, but you can if you want to, and you'll get a mark next to your username if you do. After that, set what radius you want to find people in and that's it. There's no bio or any other details you fill out. You want to find out more about someone, you need to swipe right and talk to them in the app chat.

To round things out, scammers and spammers will be IP banned (with a way to report people of course), and finally, your profile won't be public at all until you swipe right on someone.

So... Is this going to fix every problem with online dating? Nope. The number of men will probably still outweigh women and society has also just generally crumbled, producing lots of fatherless behavior that you just can't do anything about. But it should still MASSIVELY cut down on the bullshit inherent to pretty much all modern dating apps.

 

[Houseman]

>Using dating apps at all
lol

...But it should still MASSIVELY cut down on the bullshit inherit to pretty much all modern dating apps.

"Inherent"

 

[Battousai]

Dating apps are mostly bots, scammers, and sexual workers. Not really worth getting in there at all.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

The problem isn't really dating sites themselves, but the (bad) attitudes and (unrealistic) expectations from (some) of the users. Like 90% going for 1%. Always paying for dates. Fats expecting fits. etc.

 

[Dale Gribble]

Then people would just go based entirely off looks, good if you’re good looking and bad if you’re not.

 

[Arnox]

Then people would just go based entirely off looks

People already date like that, even totally outside of apps. And honestly, to a point, I don't think it's entirely wrong. I think people have a basic responsibility to take care of themselves. If you're not doing that, then it's not a great sign of your character. Mind you, looks are obviously not the end-all-be-all, but yes, I think that they're still somewhat important, and people who think we should all date people based entirely on their personality only are living in fantasy land. For better and for worse, that's (mostly) not how people work.

>Using dating apps at all
lol

"Inherent"

Well yeah, it's "lol" now, but that's what we're trying to change.

Whoops, thanks for catching that.

 

[Dale Gribble]

Yes, but a man/woman who is not so attractive can win people over based on their “bio” or whatever it’s called, because it gives a glimpse into their personality. I would be interested to see how people matched based on like a personality quiz and some kind of algorithm picking for you.

 

[Arnox]

Yes, but a man/woman who is not so attractive can win people over based on their “bio” or whatever it’s called, because it gives a glimpse into their personality. I would be interested to see how people matched based on like a personality quiz and some kind of algorithm picking for you.

The reason I didn't recommend a bio section is simply because I think one can still have a relationship with someone, or even a great relationship, even if you have different interests to them. Bios heavily encourage you to filter more people out instead of giving them a chance.

 

[Dale Gribble]

The reason I didn't recommend a bio section is simply because I think one can still have a relationship with someone, or even a great relationship, even if you have different interests to them. Bios heavily encourage you to filter more people out instead of giving them a chance.

Well yeah, but the flip side is that bios also make you give people a chance you normally wouldn’t based on looks alone

 

[Aoi]

The best way to date online is to find someone when you aren't looking for someone.

Like when I was younger, I lived in a shit situation where going out to meet people or really hangout with anyone I knew wasn't possible.

I lived online for like, shit. 7 years? Through that time anytime I want sniffing for someone to love or vice versa, it just never went/worked right. Regardless of the time taken before actually dating.

My wife and I met on discord originally. I was running a social server and she randomly messaged me. I was absolutely not looking for anyone and I was with this guy who me and him had this love hate relationship.

I don't know why I liked him but we dated off and on for like, 3 years or something cringe.

Anyways when me and my now wife started talking, we were both burnt out from people in general, I and her being very sick of guys at that point, and because our lives were by chance similar, we were able to build a strong connection despite the short time of knowing each other.


If I was dating through an app, I wouldn't have found anyone for sure. Dating apps are only really good for getting some good sex or sleeping over with someone and stealing their wallet or something.

It should be less about fixing dating apps and more about teaching people how to actually understand both their feelings, and the feelings and emotions of others.


You'll have women who are stuck in this very "bitch" mindset where their man has to be strong and not "soft" or whatever, and yet they'll get a hard head guy that is definitely that match, and will not even begin to try and understand her issues (Because truth is she needs to find someone who is adaptive, and she herself needs to be adaptive, as many young women now are extremely terrible and narcissistic.)

You'll have men who are growing up in this new generation of absolutely failing to understand masculinity, rather believing they need to have the emotional depth of George from "George in the jungle", and absolutely neglect their own mental health, and participating in a circle jerk of blind testosterone.

Both sides are buying into their gender roles too hard, and it's not down to anything political like feminism, it's down to how the genders have been overrefined and everyone mainstream is trying to act and push a very paper thin personality.



Decades from now some future generation is going to reason around this and go "You know what, I'm going to be a man yet absolutely open up if I need it, or get help if I need it, or tell others I need space/break if I need it, instead of suppressing my emotions and becoming the greatest symbol of "I am really tough and buff, yet I'm really lost in life and I suffer every day because I can't learn to take care of myself"

or

"You know what, I'm going to be a woman yet absolutely keep myself equal with everyone else, because I won't get anybody reliable and I will not happily succeed and benefit by being a financial and emotional gold digger."


I probably have repeated this before, but I just hate how people have been acting recently because all the issues in the world are usually boiled down to unevolved narcissistic human behavior. (Politics, Jobs, Work Ethic, Wars, Inequality,)

All these things could have been fixed if people magically kept themselves and everyone else on a equal level.

 

[Lost-Zeneration-99]

The best way to date online is to find someone when you aren't looking for someone.

Like when I was younger, I lived in a shit situation where going out to meet people or really hangout with anyone I knew wasn't possible.

I lived online for like, shit. 7 years? Through that time anytime I want sniffing for someone to love or vice versa, it just never went/worked right. Regardless of the time taken before actually dating.

My wife and I met on discord originally. I was running a social server and she randomly messaged me. I was absolutely not looking for anyone and I was with this guy who me and him had this love hate relationship.

I don't know why I liked him but we dated off and on for like, 3 years or something cringe.

Anyways when me and my now wife started talking, we were both burnt out from people in general, I and her being very sick of guys at that point, and because our lives were by chance similar, we were able to build a strong connection despite the short time of knowing each other.


If I was dating through an app, I wouldn't have found anyone for sure. Dating apps are only really good for getting some good sex or sleeping over with someone and stealing their wallet or something.

It should be less about fixing dating apps and more about teaching people how to actually understand both their feelings, and the feelings and emotions of others.


You'll have women who are stuck in this very "bitch" mindset where their man has to be strong and not "soft" or whatever, and yet they'll get a hard head guy that is definitely that match, and will not even begin to try and understand her issues (Because truth is she needs to find someone who is adaptive, and she herself needs to be adaptive, as many young women now are extremely terrible and narcissistic.)

You'll have men who are growing up in this new generation of absolutely failing to understand masculinity, rather believing they need to have the emotional depth of George from "George in the jungle", and absolutely neglect their own mental health, and participating in a circle jerk of blind testosterone.

Both sides are buying into their gender roles too hard, and it's not down to anything political like feminism, it's down to how the genders have been overrefined and everyone mainstream is trying to act and push a very paper thin personality.



Decades from now some future generation is going to reason around this and go "You know what, I'm going to be a man yet absolutely open up if I need it, or get help if I need it, or tell others I need space/break if I need it, instead of suppressing my emotions and becoming the greatest symbol of "I am really tough and buff, yet I'm really lost in life and I suffer every day because I can't learn to take care of myself"

or

"You know what, I'm going to be a woman yet absolutely keep myself equal with everyone else, because I won't get anybody reliable and I will not happily succeed and benefit by being a financial and emotional gold digger."


I probably have repeated this before, but I just hate how people have been acting recently because all the issues in the world are usually boiled down to unevolved narcissistic human behavior. (Politics, Jobs, Work Ethic, Wars, Inequality,)

All these things could have been fixed if people magically kept themselves and everyone else on a equal level.
View attachment 633

About time someone said it!! Everything you said is right on the money. I think our culture has poisoned the well so to speak mostly for the new Generation as well. I might of mentioned a few times already on here.

I do think the sites reflect this culture we are in as well if you think about it. It’s pettiness all of it is in my opinion.