I'm going to lose my best friend, and I don't think I care about it.

[Signa]

Long, long time ago, I met a dude at my work that was really fun to be around. We hit it off pretty well, and within a year, I got invited to his brother's bi-annual week-long Lan party. There I met His Friends And Hit it Off Well With All Of THEM. (Sweet Jesus what is my phone doing to this post with this mandatory capitalization? ). He was living with his brother at this point, rent free, and despite not having a job, he got to stay there for years. That was until last year when depression hit him hard. He was threatening suicide and finding it impossible to be happy with anything. His brother decided to kick him out. Because my friend had burn so many bridges over the years, even his mom wasn't ready to take him in, and so he decided to move to California with another friend where he got back on his feet. So after all that ordeal, he's actually living right now.

However, the amount of resentment he has for his family is immense. Though he did express his appreciation for his brother letting him live there rent free, getting kicked out by him while he was at rock bottom was unforgivable to him.

So where do I come in? Now that he's out of the state, I wanted to make sure I didn't lose contact with all these new friends I had found. They are all good people, and sometimes it takes just a little effort to keep a friendship kindled. Since I had spent a lot of time with his brother at various points, I continued to hang out with him. Last week, I was playing pokemon go with him and his partner, and I was telling him about the bad situation my housing is in right now. He and his partner actually invited me to move in with them! So I'm pretty excited about the idea, especially after the land lady had a conversation about her expectations for people staying in my house, and she wants to outlaw drinking at all, by penalty of eviction. It's not a problem for me, but it will be for my one other rooomate. If he's evicted then I'm fucked for sure. So anyway, I was telling my friend over discord last night that I'm probably going to move in with his brother, and he said in no uncertain terms that he would unfriend me if I moved in with his brother. Bluff or emotional overraction, I called him on it immediately telling him that it wouldn't bug me because he's vowed several times that he's never coming back to Washington. After that, I started talking Overwatch with his roommate (mutual friend) and he hung up without a word. So I think he's pretty pissed at me for wanting to still be friends with his brother and move in with him. So if I lose him as a friend permanently, I will be disappointed, but he's been an increasingly bad friend over the last few years, so maybe this is inevitable.

So for conversations sake, am I being treacherous by accepting his brother's offer? Or are all bets off when it comes to securing a place to live happily?

 

[Monoochrom]

Far as I'm concerned your friend is understandibly peeved, but he's also being a dick for no real reason.

 

[Arnox]

I thunk he's being kinda childish because it sounds like this moving situation is one of your only options. Nevertheless, never burn bridges unless you absolutely have to. Try to reason with him and if he keeps giving you shit (likely) then just move on.

 

[Signa]

I thunk he's being kinda childish because it sounds like this moving situation is one of your only options. Nevertheless, never burn bridges unless you absolutely have to. Try to reason with him and if he keeps giving you shit (likely) then just move on.

I certainly plan on moving forward as exactly what I consider this to be: nothing. If he doesn't want to talk to me, that's his choice, but I'm not going to be ending contact with him because I moved in with his brother. It's not a done deal yet anyway. We haven't discussed anything, and I don't know what room I'd get or what rent will cost. The house is huge, so it makes sense they want to fill a room. It's going to wreck may commute for sure, but I'd rather deal with that than deal with Craigslist randos, and a land lord that wants to micromanage where we put our brooms and shoes while using the house to support her hoarding habbit.

 

[Guilion]

I understand where he is coming from honestly but at the same time I have this weird feeling that he hasn't made any conscious efforts to get out of the hole that he got himself into and is partially blaming his troubles on you. Overall if this kind of issue is enough to him to stop talking to you try and make an effort to avoid severing ties but otherwise if he doesn't want to understand your reasoning just let him be.

If I've learned from those kind of friends is that sooner or later they will need something from you so when that inevitably happens just have a very long chat with him and try to set some rules on your relationship so it doesn't happen again.

 

[Signa]

I understand where he is coming from honestly but at the same time I have this weird feeling that he hasn't made any conscious efforts to get out of the hole that he got himself into and is partially blaming his troubles on you. Overall if this kind of issue is enough to him to stop talking to you try and make an effort to avoid severing ties but otherwise if he doesn't want to understand your reasoning just let him be.

If I've learned from those kind of friends is that sooner or later they will need something from you so when that inevitably happens just have a very long chat with him and try to set some rules on your relationship so it doesn't happen again.

If anything, I'm living proof of the lies he's told himself that his family sucks and is out to get him (more or less). When I told him last year I was going to try to make some plans to hang out with his brother he said "ha! Good luck getting him to do anything with you!" I didn't even have to try or nag. His bro absolutely wanted to hang out with me, even with his partner who had also butted heads with my friend was excited to hang too. Basically, any time I engage with his family, I'm proving he made a mistake at some point, but he is extremely prideful and would pretend he never made that mistake and doesn't actually care. Sucessfully living under his brother's roof without getting kicked out would be more more token of proof that he's in his situation from his own actions.